For some time I have been considering developing a career as a performance artist in the medium of university bureaucracies. I have been working on some small pieces which I think true aficionados of the art will appreciate. In one continuing work, I am both staff member and student simultaneously in two different universities in entirely different parts of the country. This is not fully developed yet, as I have only managed to collect three of the relevant ID cards.
I am prouder of the conceptual piece I performed earlier this year, in which I was a stage three student tutoring a stage four course in the same subject. Granted there were two different departments involved, but they were both teaching computer science. And about half of my class of students were also taking the papers in which I was myself a student. I am hoping one day to achieve the holy grail of university performance: lecturing a course in which I am my own student. Some have said this is an impossible dream, but I say it’s so crazy it might just happen. Crazy like a fox. A fox tied in a knot. With no beginning and no end, just an endless foxy ouroboros.
This is by way of building up to the special honour granted to me by the University of Auckland today. I asked for a transcript showing that I have been awarded a graduate diploma as part of my application for a PhD. The said I didn’t have a Graduate Diploma because I didn’t have enough points. It seems they have neglected to cross-credit courses, because they have lost the transcript I gave them two years ago showing that I have been awarded an MSc, as part of my application for a Graduate Diploma.
What especially pleased me, however, was learning how many points they have recorded for me. I require 107 points. I have 98.56 points. I need hardly point out that this number is not an integer. Due to changes in regulations partway through the year, it was apparently determined that some of my courses were worth slightly more than the normal fifteen points, and a figure of 17.14 was arrived at. Assuming that this mess is eventually sorted out, and I am awarded a diploma based on a whole number of points, I hope the decimals do still remain on my record. I would like one day to see whether I can have 0.56 points credited to some new degree. I would insist that it not be rounded up. That would be entirely unfair to all the other students, who worked hard for the extra 0.44 of a point I would be getting for free.
